How to Make a Mess
AKA How to Make Mort’s Eaton “Mess” Cheesecake
For the Base:
100g Ginger Nut Biscuits
Lemon Juice (To Taste)
For the Topping:
300g White Chocolate
600g Cream Cheese
300ml Double Cream
50g Caster Sugar
300g Mixed Fruit (Raspberries, Strawberries, Red Berries, Blue Berries etc)
2.5 Regular Meringue Nests
1. Get everything out of the fridge, and let it sit for a bit. This is not only because you want it to be at room temperature when you mix it, but also because you need to lull it into a false sense of security, and catch it off guard.
2. Take your anger out on the biscuits. Brutally bludgeon them to death with a rolling pin. Sometimes it helps to cover them with a picture of someone you dislike. Just to catch the crumbs. No other reason. Seriously, this started off as a bad joke about not liking Bieber, but then it turned out I actually needed him. Keep the ginger nuts separate from the shortbread for the moment.
3. Add the lemon juice to the shortbread, and mix with your hands. Taste test with a spoon. You want it to be quite lemony, as it’s going to have to fight with the ginger. Melt the butter, and combine bit by bit with both lots of the battered biscuits. You may not need all of it. My mixture ended up slightly over-saturated. If this happens, you may want to add more biscuit. Stir until you have an even mixture.
4. Press the mixture into the bottom of a 20cm spring-formed pan. If you don’t have one of these, you can use anything, as long as it’s deep enough. If the mould you use has a fixed base, I would recommend lining it with cling film, to make it easier to lift out. Once your brutally murdered biscuit party has been satisfactorily squished, place it in the fridge to set. You want it to be hard and cold.
5. Tear the white chocolate limb from limb, because sweet treats everywhere should fear your wrath. Dump the pieces into a bowl and place in the microwave for about a minute, stir, then thirty seconds, stir, and then lather, rinse, repeat until it’s all melted. Don’t do what I did and shove it in for two minutes, then completely forget about it. Yes, I am an idiot.
6. Take your whipping cream, and whip it. Whip it real good! But don’t whip your hair back and forth, because then it might get in your cheesecake, and that’s just wrong. You can do this with a whisk, electric whisk, mixer, or even a hand blender. I use an electric whisk. Whip the cream cheese and sugar together in a separate bowl. Then combine the contents of both bowls, and whip again.
7. Before adding your white chocolate, make sure it’s reasonably cool. You don’t want it to be too warm, as it will just undo all that brilliant whipping you’ve just done. If it’s just above room temperature, tip it in…and then whip it (okay, whipping no longer seems like a word to me). If you’re using fresh fruit, gently fold it in now. I used frozen (as I was planning on freezing it all anyway) so I used the electric hand whisk a little, just to get the marbled effect I wanted.
8. Now it’s time to retrieve you biscuit base from the fridge. Check it’s nice and hard, then spoon on a thick layer of your fruity, creamy, cheesy mess. You want to make the tin about half full. Then add in a thinner layer of broken meringue (I say mur-in-goo in my head every time I spell that word). Fill to the top with the rest of the creamy stuff.
9. Finally, decorate the top and leave your cheesecake on the side to settle for about 10 minutes. After all that whipping it needs a rest. Then whack it in the fridge to set. 5 or 6 hours should do it, but over night is recommended.
EDIT: Whatever you do, don’t freeze this dish. When cream cheese is frozen it causes the water and fat molecules to separate. I froze mine because I wasn’t going to eat it for a few days, and while it came out fine, the moment I cut into it, it collapsed. I ended up scooping it into a container, but it was still damn tasty. I’m fairly certain that freezing is what caused this, but I will make another to check.
Overall, I am so happy with how this turned out! It tastes amazing, and I’m looking forward to sharing it with my friends on Friday. (SURPRISE, GIRLS!) If you make this, I would really like to know what you think, as this is the first recipe I’ve ever put together by myself, and the first time I’ve made a cheesecake! Send me pictures too!!
So yeah, that’s how you make a mess.
Wish me luck,