Tip Tuesday: How to Calm Your Tits

calm your tits
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How to Calm Your Tits

Calm your tits

-To calm down, thereby relaxing the heart beneath one’s chest. Also see: “de-stress your breasts” and “undo the calamity that is in your mammaries”.

I chose this subject knowing that I had an assessment morning today, from 9am to 1.30pm. I figured that this post would be an amusing way to unwind after a slightly stressful, but engaging morning. Then I woke up half an hour before I had to leave the house because my alarm failed to go off. Now this post will be one; an amusing way to unwind after an incredibly stressful morning, and two; a list of things that popped into my head as I tried to get a brush through my mane. Welcome to How to Calm Your Tits 101:

1. Only do what’s essential – In my case: stick on clothes, wash face, brush teeth and hair, slap on some eyeliner and wolf calm your titsdown a yoghurt. It normally takes me an hour to an hour and a half to get up. This morning I set a new record. If you need to get something done, but you don’t have enough time, then don’t panic. Doing the basics is better than nothing.

2. Sleepiness is your friend – On the morning of an interview, I’m usually that level of nervous where I can’t stop grinning, but calm your titsmy face muscles are beginning to twitch. This morning I practically fell out of bed and into my suit. It wasn’t until my first interview session that I felt the twitch of anxiety in my stomach. It was great!

3. Deep breath – It’s an oldie, but a goodie. I spent the first 25 minutes of being awake, running around like an idiot. When I got calm your titsinto my car, I paused, took a deep breath, and then drove to the venue. It’s like tapping on a brake, so that you can manoeuvre around a corner; absolutely essential if you don’t want to fly off the road all together.

4. Drink – WATER! Or tea, coffee, hot chocolate. Just drink something, and drink it slowly. Like the deep breath, it’ll help you calm your titsfind a nice relaxed pace. Plus, if you suffer with a touch of dry mouth, it’ll help in that respect too. However, it might be worth limiting yourself to a glass, particularly if you’re in situation where using the bathroom is an issue.

5. Promise yourself the earth (or part of it) – I will spend the afternoon writing and drinking decaf coffee. I will go for a nice walk onto campus and raid the free book shelf in the Mason calm your titsLounge. I will drive down to Sainsbury’s, buy myself a bottle of golden ale, and then spend the rest of the evening sitting in the bath, watching let’s plays. These are all things I promised myself this morning, and just the idea kept me relaxed. I certainly intend on doing at least two of the above, although I have yet to decide between the beer and the books.

And that’s it, my five quick tips for calming your tits! As a bonus, it also acts as a nice little library of calm your tits gifs to use, for all you Tumblr lovers out there. I hope it comes in handy. Now I’m off to make a cup of joe and hammer out a couple of hundred words.

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